Even a Four Year Old gets it

My son's first question to me upon seeing this great fight scene from Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace was simple.

"Why didn't Darth Maul cut Obi Wan when he was flying, daddy? That's what happened to Anakin."




I told him I asked the same question each time I watch this.

See, George Lucas? Even my four year old gets it.

If a dude you are fighting tries some fancy cheerleading move right over your head, take a poke at him with your light saber. Don't stand and watch him. I'm just saying.

Guess the 360° tour is over

Back to the daily grind for a poor Irishman.

La Casa Nueva de Dysons

Say hello to the new neighborhood! We'll officially be the trashiest family there, which was one of our criteria for picking a new house.

And since these people have it so crisp and shiny and clean, I plan to do the same. Don't know what we'll do with Waakabee and Coop, but if anyone knows of a good home, let me know. They're both potty trained.

I am a Swedish Curler.

Thanks to NBC's non-stop coverage of the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Games, I was introduced to Niklas Edin, a Swedish Curler. Niklas is notable because he is a more atheletic and slightly better looking version of me.

Hallo Niklas. Flugen flurgen dem Curlin'.*

* I just told him he looks like he's wearing TGI Fridays waiter pants.

Famous People Love Me

This is Food Network host Melissa d'Arabian. She won season five of Next Food Network Star challenge hands down.





We met up at SeaTac and swapped recipes while waiting for our luggage*. I taught her how to make Campbell's Tomato Soup (open can, add water, heat, garnish with cheez-its). She taught me how to prepare, properly season, and serve oxtail stew with lintils. All while waiting for our luggage! She's very efficient and gifted instructor.

*We did no such thing. But she is an incredibly warm and gracious person, even after a 5 hour flight.

B* cut me off

Then I saw her license plate and I understood why.


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I figured out Lost. Part 2.

In response to my friends Jim and conversations held with them today, here is further proof that I have figured out Lost. This shit will play out, and you will all tell me at the end of the season how awesome I am.

Jim T. responds to me in the frustrated voice of a Lost follower, tired of being hooked and dragged along for so many years, yet unable to stop watching...like most of us.

[micah] The SM and Jacob are very high level. The Dharma initiative, the Others, the Survivors...they're all pawns and proxies for SM and Jacob's larger schemes, which are played out over loonnng periods of time.

[Jim] What is the magnetism?
[micah] Merely a tool used to draw people in. In one scheme involving the Dharma Initiative, they were allowed to reveal the magnatism and thus forced to build in a control (the computer and 108 minute clock) which was then useful in manipulating people to certain behavior (Desmond and the dude from Shawshank), but one which was designed to fail, thereby bringing more people to the island.

[Jim] Why is chrisitian shepherd appearing?
[micah] A tool, used to nudge people along. But don't really know.

[Jim] Why do they all know each other in parallel timelines?
[micah] They don't, but they are attracted to each other like iron filings to a magnet...destined to be together and my guess is somehow they will come to the island in the parallel world, too.

[Jim] How does the island move?
[micah] Don't know.

[Jim] Who are the others?
[micah] Followers of Jacob - various people living there following his rules, aiding him in his watch over the SM. Some (Richard) are kept alive for hundreds of years through the spring we saw them dunk Sayeed in (only when it's clear and tasty, I'm guessing).

[Jim] How did Dharma get there?
[micah] Through the manipulations of one or the other - Jacob or SM - they found a way to get there regularly, allowing for colonization.

[Jim] Who is on what side Ben or Widmore?
[micah] Ben was on Jacob's side, but was easily manipulated by SM over time, because Jacob stopped (or never really) talked to him. He was duped for years by the SM's machinations, and in turn he duped the Others into following him! Widmore - another tool, by which side I do not yet know, useful in manipulating people into coming to the island or forcing people off, etc etc. Probably the SM's unwitting accomplice.

[Jim] Why the psychic thing?
[micah] A tool, used to nudge people along. But don't really know.

[Jim] Why cant children be born there except Claire or Sun who had to be pregnant before arrival?
[micah] The island is merely a destination. Not a starting point for any new society or civilization. No new babies allowed in prison!

[Jim] What is the point of the pilot Frank lupidis? His name wasn’t on the cave wall? Or Desmond or Juliet ?
[micah] Comic effect, Tragic effect, Tragic effect. They are all tools, used in the balancing game.

The names on the cave wall are those who are candidates to be the new jailer, the new Jacob, the new White. Jacob I think was merely a shell for the Order god, and SM has destroyed the shell, thinking he has destroyed the god. But the god now seeks a new shell. And it shall...be...JACK!

That will be the ultimate twist! Jack, the Man of Science, the Non-Believer, the "this island is a lie!" guy, will become a shell for the Guardian! And Locke, the Believer, the Man of Faith, the "this island has a purpose for us!" guy will in turn become the prisoner, the chaos, the evil force, the would-be destroyer of the island prison! It's a classic flip!

The tone of the ever-present theme of Locke vs Jack will change as each person assumes the other's former role.

[Jim] ANSWER ME!
[micah] Thou hath been shown the path. Now walketh it.

I figured out Lost. Part 1

I told Wendy last night I had Lost figured out.

The island is a jail for the smoke monster. Jacob was the jailer, keeping the SM from leaving and wrecking the world.

Jacob kept the lid on Pandora's box, the apple on the Tree of Knowledge, the door to the jail locked.

The SM is Chaos, and Jacob is Order.

The SM is constantly trying to escape and manipulates people into doing things for him. Jacob pulls/pushes/gently nudges people to counter those activities. All the events leading to the Oceanic 815 crashing and the survivors living on the island were gentle nudges by both powers - the SM aiming to secure release, Jacob working to keep the jail locked tight.

Thus there is a long history of balancing between the two forces of SM and Jacob (hence the black rock, white rock joke). The SM thinks he has won and is seeking to escape (through manipulation of Sawyer, Ben, etc) whereas Jacob has already set things into motion to counter this, way before his death (luring back the Oceanic Six, time travel of the survivors, etc). The balancing will continue on forever, long after the series is rendered unto syndication.

It's all about balance!

HBD to WD

Wendy received this choice Birthday note from our good friend Jim Tzetzo:

His Albanian lineage notwithstanding, this is hilarious.

Welcome Tennessee football players

Just watched the busses for UT go past Coke on their way to the dome. Welcome Volunteers!


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Scientific Analysis Concludes...

Here's a quick observation I made the other day.

It has since been peer reviewed and validated by my cube mate, Porcha. It is not specific to gender, and is valid for restrooms that have 2-200 stalls.

Can't you see we're reading the sports section?!

Recently heard at a philly airport near you:

"Hello, I'm here to check in for... Um oh, ok I see I uh...I didn't realize that you needed to finish reading the FRIGGIN PAPER before you could help your passengers. "

This lady waited for several minutes before calling out to the agents, who then ultimately told her she had to keep waiting. This is not an exagerration.

[sarcasm] It's not like it's the holidays and we're all in a rush...nor does it matter that I paid $600 for my ticket plus $120 in random "bullshit fees". I guess my fare didn't include "good customer service" fee. [/sarcasm]

Can't you see I'm on the phone?

Recently heard at a Wendy's on Bankhead:

"Hi, I'll take a single with cheese and...? Oh. Oh, yeah, ummm... I'm sorry I didn't realize you needed to FINISH YOUR CALL before you greet me. No, no don't let me interrupt. I'll just wait over here until you sir are ready to take my order."

CASCAL now available at Whole Foods

Delicious all natural soda. Nuff said.

True Story about Paul Johnson

I swear. It's true. I shared it to help explain why I voted for him as Coach of the Year.

Tech fans storm the field!

Gobble gobbble

Needless to say, we enjoyed ourselves.

Go Jackets!

Looks like the Culture Club threw up on your feet.

Why do they spend all spring looking for the perfect strappy sandal, all summer getting pedicures, to then spend all fall and winter in fugly socks?

Carolina Liar@ the Fox!

Just dropped his microphone. Ha!

Prince of Carts

Overweight 30-something office drone white boy who has no inclination for golf, applies for avolunteer position at PGA. He's hired. And so I find myself aiding the Chairman of Carts at this week's PGA Tour Championship at East Lake Golf Club. I love America.

Volunteering has been an adventure. My job has been to help distribute golf carts to people working the event. In so doing, I met a lot of great people, and have seen many interesting sights.

Of note:
1. Charging carts while there is standing water on the ground is dicey business. GFCI outlets help, but grabbing each charger, I cringe awaiting the jolt that tells me a.) that God has a sense of humor and b.) that GA Power seems to be sticking to their claim of "Always On".
2. Watched a woman have a hissy fit when we marked her cart as having "Restricted Access" to the grounds during play on Thursday. Princess took it real hard.
3. Port-a-potties are still nasty even if the only people using them are the upper crust of the Southeast.
4. The complimentary volunteer golf attire is nicer than most of my own clothes. I think I need to redress the balance of my wardrobe vs. video game budgets.
5. Telling Tiger that he "cannot drive that cart here" is a good way to get a death glare.
6. Men watching golf invariably wear golf shirts. No joking here. They ALL do.
7. There is a Top Gun pilot in attendance who carries a portable, yet powerful radio to help guide in the Navy flyover for the opening ceremony. He is accompanied by arm candy, rather than any kind of security. To me, this makes him even more awesome.
8. Navy flyovers make any event more badass.
9. The guys on the ground working for the various TV networks are dicks. Plain and simple.
10. I still don't have any desire to play golf.

And so with the events behind me I ask myself, "Why the hell didn't I choose to work a golf course when I was a teen?" I saw Caddyshack. I saw the girls at my school whose daddies played. I knew how comfortable a visor can be.

And yet I chose books, Super Nintendo, Sam Raimi movie marathons, and Magic: The Gathering instead. I could have been getting exercise, driving carts like a maniac, getting paid, smoking cigarettes, seeing the sunshine, wearing Chinos, etc. all that time.

A 7/6 Craw Wurm crushing a 4/4 Water Elemental has nothing on this.