Overweight 30-something office drone white boy who has no inclination for golf, applies for avolunteer position at PGA. He's hired. And so I find myself aiding the Chairman of Carts at this week's PGA Tour Championship at East Lake Golf Club. I love America.
Volunteering has been an adventure. My job has been to help distribute golf carts to people working the event. In so doing, I met a lot of great people, and have seen many interesting sights.
Of note:
1. Charging carts while there is standing water on the ground is dicey business. GFCI outlets help, but grabbing each charger, I cringe awaiting the jolt that tells me a.) that God has a sense of humor and b.) that GA Power seems to be sticking to their claim of "Always On".
2. Watched a woman have a hissy fit when we marked her cart as having "Restricted Access" to the grounds during play on Thursday. Princess took it real hard.
3. Port-a-potties are still nasty even if the only people using them are the upper crust of the Southeast.
4. The complimentary volunteer golf attire is nicer than most of my own clothes. I think I need to redress the balance of my wardrobe vs. video game budgets.
5. Telling Tiger that he "cannot drive that cart here" is a good way to get a death glare.
6. Men watching golf invariably wear golf shirts. No joking here. They ALL do.
7. There is a Top Gun pilot in attendance who carries a portable, yet powerful radio to help guide in the Navy flyover for the opening ceremony. He is accompanied by arm candy, rather than any kind of security. To me, this makes him even more awesome.
8. Navy flyovers make any event more badass.
9. The guys on the ground working for the various TV networks are dicks. Plain and simple.
10. I still don't have any desire to play golf.
And so with the events behind me I ask myself, "Why the hell didn't I choose to work a golf course when I was a teen?" I saw Caddyshack. I saw the girls at my school whose daddies played. I knew how comfortable a visor can be.
And yet I chose books, Super Nintendo, Sam Raimi movie marathons, and Magic: The Gathering instead. I could have been getting exercise, driving carts like a maniac, getting paid, smoking cigarettes, seeing the sunshine, wearing Chinos, etc. all that time.
A 7/6 Craw Wurm crushing a 4/4 Water Elemental has nothing on this.
